Monday, October 17, 2005

So much for closure.

It’s his mom, on the other end of the line.
I haven’t spoken with her for almost 7 years...not since I broke up with her son.

He used to be a charming, entreprenurial young man...excited about life and interested in everything.
Now he’s a millionaire drug addict, slowly killing himself.

I've been trying really hard to keep myself separate from that whole mess, but some how I keep getting pulled back there.
I can't seem to be rid of him, even after all these years.

First he calls me to take care of his cat, then his best friend calls to ask how he looks, then his older brother calls to warn me that he’s unstable and possibly violent, and now his mom has called.
And she's devastated.

I don't MIND that she wants to speak with me, in fact, it's rather flattering that she would turn to me.
But I just didn't realize how much I had managed to pretend I didn't care until I talked to her.

And now all the things that I didn’t want to have to think about, and all the things that I thought I had managed to get ‘over’, have all come flooding back.

I broke up with him years ago, but that doesn't seem to mean a thing.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's the difference between pretending not to care, and not caring at all. His mother apparently saw value in your half of the relationship, so she called upon you. It also sounds like you kept her in the back of your mind, so of course, the flood gates opened. You don't seem like a cold person, and it seems that you left the relationship because you had to, maybe not because you really wanted to. Perhaps his mother thought the same. That luggage doesn't get lost at the airport.

Tai said...

"That luggage doesn't get lost at the airport."

That's brilliant Anne, and yes, you're right on all accounts...his mother and I had a wonderful relationship above and beyoned my relationship with him, and we both missed it.

Thanks for your very clear insight.

Spider Girl said...

I always knew you still cared, Tai. You never really pretended not to, you just didn't mention it a lot.

And I even still worry about that boy. He was an intelligent, charismatic guy who loved you before he got all screwed up.

Anonymous said...

oh, Tai... if you need an ear to bend and want to go for drinks on Saturday (beer for you, Shirley Temple for me), give me a ring...

Michelle said...

Its hard when you have tried to push something out of your life, and no matter how strong you were about it, when it does not leave you completley it is so hard. Its like dragging something through the mudd, eventually you will get tired of dragging and just let it drop.