Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Oh, how I wish I wrote this.

Highlights from Tom Cruise's inevitable upcoming Today show interview regarding his impending baby with fiancee Katie Holmes:

"I know diapers, Matt. I‘ve powdered tushes, OK? Have you ever powdered a tush, Matt?"

"Please, Matt, Don't try to tell me about Barney. I know Barney, OK? I‘ve worn the Barney suit, Matt, I didn't just sit around talking about it. Did you ever wear a Barney suit, Matt? Or do you just talk about it on TV?"

"Don't talk to me about spit up, Matt. Have you ever even spit up? Because I've spit up, Matt. And for you to insinuate that spit-up is no big deal ... You're very glib, Matt. Very, very glib. And facile. Glib and facile. Matt."

"Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Do you even know what's in Gerber Rice with Apple Bits and Cereal Crisps, Matt? Have you ever done a chemical analysis of those bits and crisps? Because that's what I did. I built a lab in my basement and tested those bits and crisps myself. Until you've tested those bits and crisps Matt, I don't think it's responsible for you to be on the Today show talking about Gerber Rice with Apple Bits and Cereal Crisps."

"Now I'm going to jump up and down and sing a little fatherhood song. Don’t talk to me about jumping up and down, Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beauty Tai! I am sooo cutting, pasting and forwarding!

Tai said...

Glad to see you stopping by Angee!

When are you starting you OWN blog!?!

Anonymous said...

From perusing yours Tai, it looks as if the blogging process takes a fair amount of commitment. I think you have an inkling of my ability regarding that. Speaking of perusing and commitment, the 45 minutes I've spent here have been more than entertaining, but I really should be getting back to work. Stupid job.

By the way, Happy Blogging B-Day!