It's already weird enough as it is!

I was going to retell the tale of Lot here.

You know, the one about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and bad, bad Lots' wife who turned into a pillar of salt 'cus she wouldn't listen to her husband, but the story is awful enough on it's own with out requiring much adjustment.
Let's look at it for a moment, shall we?

God doesn't care much for homosexuality, which apparently the lovely cities S&G are replete with.
So he sends some angels down to check it out, and hang with Lot while they suss the place out.
While the angels are there, some of the village men want to rape them.

Well! Lot won't have anything to do with that, no sir!
Instead, like a good host, he offers up his virginal daughters to the mob of men for use and abuse.

Oh, but wait, it just gets better from here!

So anyway, the angels prevent the rape of Lot's daughters from happening, but they tell Lot to scram out of the city, 'cus god is going to do what he does best...smote smote smote and smote some more!!

No one believes Lot except for his two daughters and his wife, so they high tail it for the hills...everything is going well except Lots' wife turns back (of course), and is immediately turned into a pillar of salt.

(Why a pillar of salt? I don't know. What could the reasoning possibly be?)
So anyway, she's suddenly (and conveniently, I might add) out of the picture.

Eventually Lot and kids make it to a cave and hide out there.
With lots of wine.
Lots and lots of wine.

Note to self:
When fleeing from god's smoting, don't forget to take the wine!

The girls get bored, so they come up with a cunning plan.
As they are the only females left on the face of the planet, they really need to get started repopulating the world, right?
Yeah, that's what they thought.
So.
This is what they do.

The first night, they get dad REALLY drunk. Then one of them has sex with him.
Lots' a lush, so he doesn't remember being a victim of incestuous rape the night before.

Day two.
Get dad drunk again, so second daughter gets a go! Wheee!
And then they both have sons who go on to become famous and influential leaders, (presumably they were able to hide the webbed feet and extra teeth.)


Moral of the story:

Wine will help you save the world as long as your not gay.
Anything is better than gay, even incest.
And rape is fine, as long as the parties are different sexes.
And moral decrepitude is generally permissible (without the gayness, of course.)