Monday, November 07, 2005

Now what do I do?

Thank you everyone, you're all so generous, and your thoughts so kind.

They are so important to me.

It's true that some of you never met Bentley, but as Ian pointed out in his comments about his cat Stumpy, "She followed me like a dog, talked to me, and would rarely let me out of her sight. She was awkward and cumbersome, and that was much of her charm."

That was Bentley,too, Ian.
Just like like that.
Awkward, cumbersome and wouldn't let me out of his sight.

There's just something about some animals that elevate them to more than 'just a cat' or 'just a dog'.

And now?
I'm totally confused about what I'm supposed to do next.

Bentley and I traveled far, just he and I.

I 'grew up' with him by my side.

I evolved from a naive 19 year old to a slightly less naive 33 year old, as he stood watch.
From a small town girl, to a woman actually 'making it' on her own in it in a big city.

And living in a large city, away from friends and family, he was my balance point.

I couldn't go to far off the edge 'cus he was there depending on me.

No matter what else was going on, Bentley was always my focal point.

Broken heart?
Bentley still needed to be loved.
Lost job?
Bentley still needed to be feed.
Bad day?
Bentley still had a purr for me.

But now what do I do?

I feel suddenly...so lost.

5 comments:

ə said...

tai, i don't know what to say to you. came to ur blog after such a long time. you must be so v unhappy. hope u find the strength to face this. i am sure you will.

Wriju said...

Bentley would live on, in your memories. Immerse yourself in lots of work. With time sadness will fade away, happy memories will stay.

"Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know
what you're gonna get."

blackcrag said...

Now what do you do?

Sweetie, you carry on. Fourteen years is a long time, so you cry a little. Or a lot. And you dry your tears and carry on. You rely on your friends a little more, call them when before you’d have talked to Bentley. Or blog a little more often about what’s biting your butt that day.

It doesn’t compare to having a little bundle of fur there to comfort or to comfort you, I know, but we’re what are left, Tai. And at some point, you will have another bundle of fur to look after and to look after you. It won’t be Bentley, it will be something else all together, and it will be right, just as Bentley was right for the last decade and a half.

P.S. You find a new job too. Change will happen in your life whether you want it or not. Might as well take the reins and drive the chariot as opposed to just going along for the ride.

gordaboo said...

You haven't stopped by in awhile now and I'm hoping all is well with you. Where are you?

Anonymous said...

It saddens me to hear the emptyness youre experiencing. In time it will come to you. Stay positive.