Monday, November 28, 2005

I didn't write this, but DAMN, I wish I had.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong


1) Being gay is not natural. Real Canadian/Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' '55-hour just-for-fun marriage' would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in Canada/America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

So.

I guess the moral is that I definitely need taller friends.

5 comments:

Spider Girl said...

I will try to grow. For your sake. :)

My friends Erin and Jamie were married this summer, the first gay marriage I have attended. It was one of the most joyful celebrations I've ever attended.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine complained when gay marriage became legal, because his mother had begun to pressure him to pop the question to his boyfriend. She'd been waiting her whole life for a big white wedding, and didn't give a hoo-nelly about the gender of the participants.

He, on the otherhand, felt that society had let him down by removing his last excuse from marital bliss. You just can't please everyone, I s'pose....

Anonymous said...

Hoo-nelly (hu: ne´lI) n., pl -ies, 1. a mildly rude expletive, used exclusively by children raised in Royston by mothers with ecclectic vocabularies 2. slang used to fill space when swearing seems inappropriate or slovenly [origin unknown]

Lynda said...

I read this to my husband, and I couldn't stop laughing after I read #7.

Pol* said...

YAY!!!! I am passing this on to all my homo-phobe relatives!!!! Including MY marriage partner.... evil me.