I was thinking about shyness today.
Pondering what value it has; why it seems so prevalent today; how much it affects peoples life (in a generally negative manner).
I'm not talking about the ubiquitous feeling of nervousness at interviews, or being reluctant to address a large group of people assembled in front of you.
Hell, if you don't feel a little anxious about those things then you are a super-hero and need to be immortalized immediately!
What I'm referring to is a cold-sweat-panic-inducing fear of meeting new and unknown people in what most would consider a relatively harmless gathering.
Like 'a friend of a friends' birthday.
Or you know, when a date invites you to a big going away party for his old roommate?
Unfortunately, I didn't come up with any great insights to my questions.
Being shy never occured to me.
I had a black time of it socially in school, but that didn't stop me from talking to people...and it didn't prevent me from meeting my very best friends. (Whom I still proudly count as my best friends to this day, 20+ years after the fact.)
After the hell of school ended, being even more out there and open just seemed like the only way to be.
"The world is so much bigger than this little town; there must be more people out there like me!" That was my general philosophy and what I took with me as I ventured forth.
It wasn't strange to me to go alone to places, eat out at a restaurant alone, talk to strangers, or sit and chat with people for hours after I had just met them (Hmmm. I didn't stop to think if they enjoyed that or not. Ooops!)
My heart really goes out to those who feel that people are judging them poorly; staring at them with distaste or suffer with thoughts that they aren't good enough to engage this crazy world.
But.
You are.
You are enough.
And who knows.
Maybe that person you decide to bravely chat with at the next 'required work function' might be a person like me.
And who's to say...we might end up the best of friends!
23 comments:
Love that post.
"Hi!"
Hello Tai,
I do agree that it's not cool to be shy, but I do suffer bouts of shyness every now and again. Its nice to know that there are people like you out there in social situations who are willing to say hi. Have a great Friday evening!
Enid
I was painfully shy growing up and I still struggle with it now -- but I will talk to anyone. I feel my face blush though... I'm so aware of it that it drives me crazy...
Really great post.
Nice Post Tai...
Being shy is hell. It ties my tongue up when I want to say hi to that guy in the corner or to speak up for fear of being ridiculed. It makes me hide in myself and put up barriers that will shield me from harm. It doesn't work and only hurts me worse in the long run.
I don't live. I subsist. I don't really understand people, though I want to. I fight my shyness every time I go to a social event.
Of course, it also helps me not make an idiot of myself . I guess it wouldn't hurt to be just a little shy, just not so shy that it makes a huge impact on one's life.
Hi Tai
I've been "trained" not to be shy. My ex and I ran a karaoke business, often I would sing the first song to test the equipment (before I had any "liquid courage" and usually off key). We also owned a bar where I bartended and that will pretty much get rid of any shyness you might have. I've gone back to my old job now, and the people I worked with before say I've changed a lot, and that I am way more outgoing than I was before, though I really don't see a difference. I guess you are going to have to "immortalize me immediately" because I don't think twice about speaking in any situation. I do worry about blogging though, that I won't word things correctly when I write them down, and people will misunderstand what I'm saying...but I'm going to do it anyways...and let those that are offended, be offended...Just say hello, I don't bite (though there may be some slight nibbling involved :)...
The "hell of school". Loved it. A person after my own heart. But, back to your blog. Crippling shyness can be literally a killer in some cases, and actually does lead to suicide or a lifetime of addiction by those poor souls who cannot overcome the condition's cruelty. Often people we think are incredibly unfriendly turn out to be excruciatingly shy. Some really good thoughts my dear friend. You are wondrous wise, and desrving of an award.
Everybody is shy sometimes. Even people who are considered gregarious (me) are shy on the inside and afraid etc.The outspoken almost obnoxious persona is the cover.
Look at Prince. On stage, he's touching himself, licking his tongue, dancing with scantily clad twins... but in interviews, he can barely say two words.
Some people are shy in more intimate settings.
Don't ever change
yes, thanks for this very good post.
i would be interested to hear from the "shy" people about a theory i have...
i think, often, shyness come from been ostracised in the extreem, by a parent or adult, teacher or "authority figure" -- children who are CONSTANTLY corrected, told they are "bad" or "stupid", and are not validated when they make small steps during the crucial growing up years (say 1 - 5 yrs.) grow up unsure of themselves, and are afraid to speak up because they have been conditioned to think that whatEVER they say or do will be wrong...that is my though on this subject anyway, but i would like to hear from others on this, as to whether there is any merit in what i have to say here. and don't worry, even 'tho i am intrinsicly an introvert i have lots of training in being an extrovert, so even if my feelings get hurt by your comments, i can take it (well, most of the time anyway.)...well, now back to Kitchen Cleanup.
cheers,
pj
p.s. oh, i took a HUGE step out of MY comfort zone on Thursday, if anyone is interested in reading about it at my Blog. Anger spurred me on to speak out when usually i would keep silent, and i was rewarded!
A very kind post.
I have gone through various stages of being and of not being shy in my life. And I have found that not everyone appreciates people who are "out there" and by that I mean those who are willing to express themselves, be a little loud and not afraid of attention. Some people worry a lot about how other people perceive them and they'd rather melt into the background instead of taking the chance that they might get a negative reaction.
Hey Tai!
I hope all is well these days!
Though I wouldn't say I'm shy, I relate to the quote from "Barfly", when Henry says, "I don't hate people. I just like it a lot better when they're not around." (Most folks wouldn't think that of me, but it's true...I'm pretty sociable, but also a bit of a loner...I guess it depends a lot on the people in question too)...
As I mentioned in Spider Girl's comment section, I think it's quite something that you and your pals (Kimber, Spider Girl and Pol*) have maintained such a special friendship for so long!
Take care out there, Tai!
And keep doing what you're doing!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
Sorry you ended up being last on my Blogroll...but it's arranged alphabetically...
nice post- great picture- i have some catching up to do-
ms
I am, surprisingly, perhaps even shockingly, shy. It does not come from a place of feeling like I'm "not good enough", however. My brain just tends to freeze up and I can't think of something to say. I wasn't overly criticized as a child; I'm not concerned about making a fool of myself. I just...cannot think of a single thing to say. Interestingly enough, it doesn't happen when I'm one on one. I can talk/babble/chat for hours with one or two strangers. Some have even become long-term friends. Going to restaurants or movies or shopping alone is no big thing. But a party of people I don't know...That's different. That's when I go into brain lock.
Of course...I still go to the party. ;)
Another fantastic post; no wonder you're nominated for medals and such!
I've conquered insecurity and shyness before just by steeling myself and PRETENDING that I'm not. I conjure up an image of my more condident friends, and think of how they'd carry themselves into this room right now. And I go for it.
Odd thing is that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; people respond to a "hello," as your title suggests, and soon enough it's just another hurdle you've cleared, and are unafraid of trying it again, unitl it just becomes part of your nature.
I say hi to everyone.
tai, just stopped by to say thanks for the validation...
cheers for now,
pj
LOVELY. This is you at your best xoxox
dragonflyfilly, shyness doesn't have to but can also occur from being constantly ostracized by your peers during one's teenage years. Some learn during their school years that it's safest for them to shy away from people for both physical and social reasons. Some students have been spit on and repeatedly punched in the stomach or elsewhere as well as being constantly verbally abused.
I'm one of those who goes through bouts of shyness. It depends on the situation and the pahse of the moon, and the direction the wind blows from and whether the birds have nested or not, as much as anything.
Somedays it is hard to approach someone to talk to them, somedays I'll talk to anyone at the drop of a hat, or I'll knock their hat off, just for the excuse to talk to them, and other days I just don't want to talk to anyone anyways. And there are those who can't believe I'm ever shy.
Note to Dragonfly: it wasn't my family who ostracised me, but my peers in Grade 2. I learnt behaviours then that I still play out today, that often make me seem unapproachable, even on days I am.
gkI love this!!
Great,great post.
I want to tattoo "you are enough" on the inside of my wrist as a reminder;)
I can be accurately described as painfully shy. When eating in Umezono, I mentally practice my Japanese so when the waitress drops by I'll have the proper response on the tip of my tongue. When she does, the best I can ever manage is a quiet "Thank you." I'm still working on it. Hopefully they won't all die of old age before I get a chance to impress them.
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