In the course of my work day today, I just happened to speak to someone that I haven't talked to for years.
She and her friends been my (and my friends) mortal enemies since elementary school.
The constant humiliation only ceased, I suspect, because grade 12 came and went and they no longer had easy access to us due to life moving on.
And of course, life did move on.
I left and moved far away for years; my other friends married and moved and grew up and matured as we are all want to do.
And then today:
"Hi. This is Tai calling from MenWearingTies Inc. I'm trying to get some information on community plans, is there anything available?" I asked.
"Sure, I can e-mail you the updated version if you like, what's your e-mail address?" She replied.
"It's Tai (insert last name here)@MenWearingTies.com" I answered.
"Did you go to (insert name of small town where we grew up)?" I can hear her sound surprised at the other end of the line.
"Yes. Is this Becky Smith?" I sort of knew that she worked where I was calling, but I didn't at all suspect that I would have to talk with her.
So, the surprise 're-union' concluded with a 5 minute catch up on the last 15 years of our lives and a sweet, "Take care" at the end of the conversation.
It just gives me the willies.
I'm all for moving on and growing up and getting better with age, but some of the stuff from back then feels less than 'resolved'.
The fakeness of the congenial inquiries bothered me.
We didn't like each other back then, and in between now and then there has been no occasion where we re-connected on a friendly level. *
I felt deceitful and disconnected as I chatted with her.
I can still feel my own sticky smile pulling uncomfortably back from my teeth while listening to her speak about the home she and her husband had built.
I wonder if she was sneering and laughing at me from the other end of the phone line.
Probably not.
But 12 year old Tai still cringes at the thought.
* I had to come back and add something, lest I be misunderstood.
I don't dislike who she is today, I don't even know her.
But truth be told though, I think that even should the opportunity arise, I wouldn't want to engage her (or any of them) in friendship as adults.
The old playing ground is too uneven and sullied.
Forgive and forget, certainly.
But that doesn't mean I have to play with them any more.
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26 comments:
I know what you mean Tai. A wel written and thoughtful post. BTW, you answered 42 on my blog! You are brilliant!!!
Who who who WHO was it? Oh, please, do call me and dish up the gossip!
This was a very thoughtful posting, Tai. Opened up all sorts of past associations for me and I understand exactly where you are coming from.
Once, years ago, I ran into a guy I knew and loathed in junior and senior high. I mean, we mutually detested each other. Yet, I ran into him by chance in London. And, we were familiar faces, and we actually hung out for a day - went to the pub, went to the Tate Gallery, etc. etc. It was great fun. No past issues were mentioned.
I've never seen him since. It's probably better that way.
Cheers,
Ian
Ooo...yuk! I have "that girl" in my life, someone that teased and beat me up me mercilessly for being a chubby kid, and continued to be a snot thru high school. I see her around now. She's 46 years old, always friendly, loving her kids, and smiling and laughing, and I still can't help giving her a wide berth and an evil eye, behind her back. You never know that she won't stomp on the back of my leg again. She might, she just might.
I can't say there are many people from school that I would care to speak to again. And it's just like you say - they might be nice enough now but I will always see them as they were. Any further relationship would be tainted. I would have felt the same way were I you - Don't want to play anymore!
It would be interesting to know if the adults - if they met today, could become fast friends.
There was a reason why we didn't like that particular person in the past...and sometimes that will never ever change. Don't feel bad. Some people just don't click.
This is why it's sometimes better to grow up not having had any friends...like me. ;)
Steve~
Oooooh good post Tai.
I understood you completely:)
Oh screw it. Go find her and beat the hell out of her.
Do I EVER understand this post! Even before the addendum. You ain't alone. ;)
I cringe for you. I would absolutely feel the same way with certain people from my past. It's the reason why I will never go to a high school reunion. I'll just stick with what I know and the people I care about.
ewwwk.
I feel that one. I tend to have a rosie view of the past (self defence mechanism) but seeing an "ugly person" really sets my teeth on edge!
Excellently portrayed.... you'll have to email the WAVENKOTB who this Becky Smith really is!
I mean WAVANKOTB, of course!
Oh god, the very thought of ever talking to any of my elementary or high school torturers... *shudder*
That sounds like a pretty interesting encounter. The world is indeed a small place.
I can think of people I knew growing up that I would not want to hang out with now pretty much no matter how much they have changed.
I know what you mean and understand completely!
I've been in that situation. I've run into the person in a Safeway or somewhere, and we feel we have to be pleasant and cordial and all the while we're remembering how much we really hated each other. It's very uncomfortable.
Josie
I like running into old high school friends, as long as there is no histroy there,as between you and your little friend. But it is for the best you spouted the inane pleasantries. It isn't worth raking the coals of the past over. As you say, you just don't have to play with them anymore.
Hi Tai! I'm checking out the book list you posted previously....like I need more books....
May you never have to experience this type of unpleasantry again anytme soon. Have a good weekend doing what you love to do the most.
Saludos,
~Enid
I definitely agree with you...forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another.
As much as we change, I think we basically stay the same. So I'm with you - no reason not to be cordial, but not great rush to pal around either.
I see someone from my past around town frequently. We smile and act polite... but I'll never forget how she treated me in 12th grade. And that was 27 years ago.
Thanks for the post. Made me think.
Agreed. I don't even like talking to people who I was friends with back then. The past itself just gives me the willies.
At least you forgave.
No need to go backwards in life.
Good post.
*shudder*
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