I went for a half an hour walk at lunch at came back to work a whole different person.
Seriously.
I have no clue who I am.
What an indescribable feeling; there's a dream-like quality to my life at this moment that I just can't quite bring into focus.
The edges are blurry and uncertain.
Frankly, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if I suddenly found myself on a ocean bound frigate, astride a great black horse galloping around the deck.
I would, of course, still be answering a phone trying to explain to someone named Pete that the door into summer doesn't really exist.
Oops! Where was I.
Right.
For one thing, this job I find myself at perplexes me.
How the hell did I get here?
It feels like an older woman named Hazel or Sally or perhaps Mavis should be sitting where I'm sitting, looking at the bright yellow tulips and occasionally staring at the computer screen with a slightly concerned look on her kindly face.
I am sure I don't know how I got here in her place.
Must be a mistake in human resources or something.
I'll have to look into that.
It's as if the last thing I remember was doing a brake stand at the local gas station in my old Charger when I was 17, then suddenly being woken up to life as an adult in an adult job doing adult things.
Paying car insurance, eating healthy foods...saving for the 'future'.
Exercising regularly.
Uh-oh.
I didn't suddenly just 'grow up' did I?
I thought that this was supposed to be gradual thing! I wanted to have time to get used to the idea.
Nobody mentioned to me that my 'adulthood' would occur at 12:38pm on a Thursday in late January!
What a surreal feeling!
Well, perhaps I'll wake up now and find myself 17 years old, wondering where my life is going to take me.
On the other hand, it could just be the fresh air going to my head.
Also?
During my sleep hazed morning today, I accidentally slid my work pants on without undoing them first.
Drycleaner must have stretched them out.
Tsk tsk.
Guess I'll have to speak to him about that!
21 comments:
Great post. One time a few years ago I woke up from such a deep sleep I had to reacquaint myself with where and who I was. It was surreal. Fortunately when I was reintroduced to myself it wasn't depressing.
wow.
y'know I still sometimes think "when I grow up....." and have to check myself. Mid thirties (in just a couple months) I guess I am grown up. I guess this is who I am..... until I am the wild old lady that wears bizarre clothes and belches in public, that is!
I turn 30 next week and I still haven't figured out who I am. I think I am always losing it a little and less of me cares each day.
Take care of yourself.
By the way, that is probably one of the best posts I have ever read. It made me stop and think. That is hard to do these days.
Hey. Who's your drycleaner? I have some pants I'd like to take to him.
I grow old, I grow old,
I shall wear my trousers rolled.
Do I dare to eat a peach?
I have heard the mermaids singing,
each to each...
(A little Lovesong of J. Alfred Prucock for you, dearie. At least, I think that's how it goes. It's been a while since English Lit. class..)
Actually, here's what I was trying to remember. Apparently my memory is failing--a sure sign of being thirty-something. :)
"I grow old … I grow old … 1
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.... "
Good old T.S. Eliot.
Don't worry,old friend. I suspect we have a lot of youth in us yet. At least we can fake it when we choose.
The single greatest, most honest bit of information I have ever been given was by a friend in her mid-30s when I was still a teenager: "Pobble, I don't know how I am supposed to feel at this age, but I don't think it's like this. Aren't I still 22? 'Cause I feel like I'm still 22." Whenever I have "when I grow up..." moments, I remember that and realize at least I'm not alone in having no clue what I'm supposed to be doing right now.
And like Wolfgrrl, I have some pants for your dry cleaner!
I feel like this all the time - even down to the old charger. I still have mine, though - for all the good it is doing me.
Growing up blows doesn't it??? I am sure the weekend will bring the feelings of youth all back.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-wil2.htm
Willy-nilly is a phrase meaning "whether I like it or not"
Your description of dinner made me incredibly lustful. Yow! I love good food and it makes me...ahem.
Congratulations on fitting into pants without unbuttoning them.
I just bought new jeans which are already falling off. I lost 12% of my body weight this year (1/8th) I'm down to 174 from 200. Woot!
I will never grow up. Old maybe, but not up and certianly not OUT anymore!
Will you please email me? I lost your email it seems.
Great post Tai!...you will probably have more moments like that between 40 and 50, 50 and 60, and so on...growing up seems to happen at all ages LOL
Yeah that happens to all of us at different times. I so enjoy sitting in a bar alone and talking to strangers, yet I think, "If I am doing this in 20 years, I'll be seen as 'the creepy old lady in the bar' "
And then sometimes I think "So what?"
;)
I used to wonder if my life had been a dream up to this point, and that I would then wake up and find that I, like you, was maybe 17 again, or maybe even five-years-old. I found that a bit consoling in stressful parts of my life. Nice surreal quality to your posting, BTW.Effectively captured the mood you were in.
Ian
Great post. Know what you mean. It's too late for me but you can still save yourself.
If in winter, make snow angels and build snow forts and have a snowball fight. If in Spring, don't neglect to lie down in the flowers and blow the dandelions. If in Summer, run, cycle or bike with the sun on your back and the wind in your face. If in autumn, collect the fallen leaves in a pile, then run and jump in. Nurture the child in you.
Oh and don't forget to eat ice cream and feed squirrels at every opportunity.
Doc' Grey and ol' Squirrel has spoken.
From someone still in their early twenties, I say there is still hope.
I mean, you're not that old. ^_-
Welcome to adulthood. It just creeps up on you.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to 17 and try it all again... Or maybe 20. Being a teenager sucked.
I still feel about 20 yrs. old inside. I can't believe I have a "real" job, car payments, and a mortgage. It freaks me out sometimes.
LOL,I didn't think that ever happened!
I wonder when my time will come...
So, my friend, you have been tagged. Check out my blog to see the parameters if you choose to play.
Cheers,
Ian
Hi Tai
Never Grow Up, Never grow old, Never Surrender...and if you feel like you are it's just a bad day, you'll be back to 17 in that charger tomorrow...
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