Wednesday, August 15, 2007

"Friends".


Facebook.
You either love it or you hate it, I've heard it said.

Having an available 'database' to which you can voluntarily add all your vital (and not so vital) statistics seems a pretty good idea.
You can find people, people can find you.
Your 'profile' can outline everything about you, or very little, depending on how you feel.
Social status and general interests to education, work experience and sexual orientation.

I do have an account, but I can't say I love Facebook.

On the one hand, it is nice to be able to find people who you've 'lost touch' with over the years for one reason or another.
I found one of my old roommates from years ago (or rather, she found me) and I was happy to have some other old friends who had gotten lost in the shuffle find their way back into my life.
But other people have tracked me down as well, and I'm not always so pleased about that.
For instance, an old boyfriend of mine contacted me through this network recently.

What I can't figure out is why.
We didn't part particularly amicably.
Also? It was almost 17 years ago that we dated.
I only reflected on him occasionally over the years, and that was to chastise myself for being such a fool.

So why did HE feel the need to look me up? Why did he need to contact me? And, even stranger, to contact Whatsisface and say to him, "I'm Tai's ex-boyfriend. I don't mean any harm."

Maybe he remembers that 3 months of our lives differently from me, after all 17 years have elapsed. Hmm, nah, it ended poorly. Surely he didn't forget that!

Other people, too, have contacted me and I find their interest in writing to me just as odd.
People I never spoke to in school are sending me 'friend requests'.
Others with whom I had but a passing acquaintance (as in, 'I passed them in the hall at school') seem eager to share with me their life stories.
I don't get it! It baffles me.

Some folks are left in the past for good reason, and I'd rather like them to stay there, thanks very much.
Surely others would like me to stay in their past, too, and I will happily stay there.
Far be it for me to intrude on their present lives, especially if I barely knew them then, and don't know them at all now.
(Though if everyone thought like me, Facebook would surely be a flop instead of the amazing success it is.)
Could just be I'm a misanthrope.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if my distaste for the whole thing is derived from my feeling that I haven't really done all that much to tell anyone about.
No cure for cancer, no space walks and no lotto wins here.

My life HAS been interesting and wonderful in it's own way, but it seems odd to me to pull out these individual incidences and dog and pony them for people who I probably wouldn't recognize in the street.
Seems too much an accounting of my life for people that I don't know.

And, it seems like way too much obligation to me.
When these veritable strangers contact me, my inner 'nice girl' requires that I politely accept their 'friend request' and say 'yes'. But all I really want to do is holler "NONONO, I don't want to be your friend. I wasn't then and I don't want to be now."
They tell me about their children, and enquire about mine (I don't have any), tell me about their camping trip (I don't like camping) and ask if I'll join a group (no) they've set up.
I'm a wretch and I don't care.

So I think I'm going to take myself off Facebook.
I just can't handle any more "friends".

22 comments:

Sugar. said...

I am currently addicted to "Facecrack". It is one of the only social outlets I have up here. However, when we were on holiday, back in the real world, I barely even thought about Facebook. Now that I am back in isolation, I'm on there all the time. It is nice to reconnect with some people but...I know what you mean.

Hermes said...

I think Facebook was invented by aliens bent on taking over the world by gathering our personal information onto one database - the better to be in touch and "familiarize us with their colonization procedures". They're not getting my bloody info. I've got food, water and sling shots buried all over and I'm gonna hide in th mountains!

blackcrag said...

I am practically inert on Facebook myself. I have got in touch with a couple people lost in the shuffle, (and as often as I move around, that's a lot of shuffling!) but for the most part I agree with you.

The most important people from back then are in my life now. Others... well...

I sway in the breeze between staying and going on Facebook.

geewits said...

One of my old blogger people sent me a facebook e-mail and I never even clicked on the link. I do like looking up people. Maybe I'm one of those people that annoys people. That sounds like me.

Anonymous said...

Nailed it on the first try! You did, you did!

I only joined Facebook because a friend sent me a request. I think I've logged in twice since then. The first time I found people from my high school years that I had no desire to be in contact with (see my post on "Living Well is the Best Revenge").

I can keep in touch with my friend via e-mail and our respective blogs. I don't need another source to manage communications through.

I'm the opposite to you though... the only person I've ever heard from was the blogging friend who sent me the original invitation. Other than that, the profile has lain dead in the middle of the information highway like so much roadkill.

After reading your post, I decided my feelings yattering away in the back of my head are right. I'll give it to the end of the month, and then blow it away. If they want to find me that bad, they'll eventually stumble across my blog (now on wordpress).

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I have been waiting for someone to give an opinion on Facebook. Thanks.

Jazz said...

Here's to misanthropy. I can always find the people I want to find. And as for people from my past, if they're in the past it's because I don't want to have anything to do with them anymore.

Of course, I do have a few good friends on facebook who have their photo albums there with pics that i'd really like to see, so there's something of a dilema there.

Course it would be fun to answer "NO! I don't want to be your friend" if I got requests...

Big Brother said...

My blog is just about as personal as I want to be. I let the past rest with the past, mush better that way. ;o)

Big Brother said...

PS: Should read much better not mush better.

Pol* said...

I am very suspicious of the whole facebook phenomenom, especially in this world of identity theft and online stalkers.

When I get them, I am not polite enough to even answer the requests. Even though the invitations have been from people I genuinely LIKE, I just can't seem to bring myself to going public in that way.

Blogging is about as exposed as I choose to be, and you will note that isn't public either!

Ian Lidster said...

I agree with you thoroughly. My 'incidents' with Facebook included being contacted by a good friend of my niece's, but there was some justification in that she worked for me for a brief time. But then, I was contacted by her mother. I know her mother slightly, and she doesn't come close to falling into a 'friend' category. Bizarre, as you seem to suggest.

Mz.Elle said...

I just wrote about facebook..funny!
I do know what you mean though. I have been careful to add only the people I care about and those I KNOW care about me. All others can sucks eggs and I don't have a problem saying so. I do enjoy interacting with my friends on facebook in a way that blogging or email doesn't offer,but yes,it does have flaws.

QueenieCarly said...

It's love hate for me. I do really really like FaceBook a lot of the time, but over the last week, I've had a few strange interactions and incidents that have planted the seed of an "I hate FaceBook morons" post in the back of my mind. Whether it ever blossoms, we'll wait and see, but I'm starting to see more of what you're saying here. It's a shame. For a few months there, it was so much fun.

Sparky said...

I have an on-again/off-again relationship with the internet as it is, but Facebook brings out the most visceral misgivings in me at times. As someone now charged with teaching the history of communications, I am prone to reflect on how the applet will be seen in retrospect. Beyond the oddly "exhibitionistic" tendencies, I'm tempted to see it in a similar light to the second commenter here. Nice, thoughtfully bitchy post. ;)

E. Rivera said...

Facebook, Schmacebook.

Come! Join MySpace!!!

Janice Thomson said...

I too dislike Facebook. A friend invited me and within minutes 15 people jumped into my space. Considering I put very little information up I was shocked and immediately deleted my account. I agree wholeheartedly with you Tai.

David Amulet said...

Finding you after 17 years? Yikes. I avoid FaceBook and all such things, and this is part of the reason.

-- david

Evil Spock said...

I have a Facebook account, but I rarely do anything to it. I really could care less if people tried to contact me from my distant past.

My point being, if I wanted to talk to them in the first place, I would've kept in touch by conventional means.

Jo said...

I'm a little bit leery of face book. It's too public. Blogger is bad enough.

Are you working full-time now?

Josie

Jay Noel said...

Can you say "stalker?"

Facebook is mostly harmless, but still. 17 years? He needs to move on.

Jocelyn said...

Your choice to take yourself off sounds like a good one--there's enough artificial conviviality in the world without some manufactured pressure to agree to have friends you'll never see and hardly know, just because they ask.

I mean, if you were asking my opinion and all.

Anonymous said...

Considering the amount of identity theft and the way bits of Internet information can be strung together in frightening ways, I'm with you on avoiding Facebook/Myspace/etc. Oy.
LJ (Spidey's friend)